I am not even really sure where to begin this post. I was just telling Ian that I wanted to share a bit of my struggle with all the crazy hormones that came with having a baby and maybe encourage someone who is in the same battle. There are few resources out there that come at this from a Biblical perspective and while I have not “arrived” by any means, I am right in the midst of this battle and know what it’s like in those dark valleys.
If you would have asked me three years ago what I thought about depression and postpartum blues, my answer would be very different from the one I would give you today. I don’t want to get to into a debate, but rather encourage you. It’s strange how the Lord is giving us new and unexpected trials to over come. With my first child, Job, my struggles came hard and fast right after he was born. I had never felt such deep sorrow in such a “happy” time of life. I remember going to bed when he was just 5 days old and hoping I didn’t wake up. It was a hard 6 weeks for me. But by the time 6 weeks rolled around, I was feeling much more like myself and enjoying my little blessing so much.
With number two, Ruthie, I was prepared for the worst right after she her birth. I even had my mom come for extra time to help me through the first 6 weeks. Much to my surprise, I was great those first 6 weeks. I loved every moment of it. My struggle came in much later this time around. Every time I dropped a feeding in her nursing schedule I would feel much like I did after having Job. I wasn’t sure what was wrong and why I was feeling so sad and overwhelmed. Life was good and I had much to be thankful for, and I knew that. Yet, I couldn’t seem to kick my feelings to the curb. The next few months were rough. But knowing that things would get tough with each feeding I dropped made it all a little more bearable. We knew it was coming and we could prepare (at least a little) for what was to come.
I am still in the midst of the slight fog, but things are looking bright. These emotions God has given us are good. They are apart of what make us human. They are apart of this struggle in life. So, keep asking for faith to keep giving yourself to your family, even when you feel like you have nothing left to give, because just like the woman with the oil (2 Kings 4:1-7), the Lord will keep giving you more to give. So keep pouring and lavishing it on.
I want to encourage you to keep fighting. Confess sin where there is sin. Ask Christ for the faith and strength to make it through another moment, hour, or day, even if you don’t feel like you can make it another second. Ask your husband for grace, prayer, help, and hugs. And look to Him who is able to keep you from falling. This is a fight worth fighting and winning!